The past few days, after a not so successful time during the last few minutes of class on Tuesday, I've been struggling with the idea of how/if to fit in with the culture here. I think out of a nervousness regarding the police and our perception of how Russia as country treats foreigners, Matt and I the first week strove to blend in with the people as much as possible. We would not make eye contact with people, be silent on the metro, be cautious as we do our daily living outside of our apartment, yada, yada, yada in order to not be noticed.
That brings me to our metro trip to the university today. . .Sitting in my seat trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, reading my book, keeping my eyes down, I felt these eyes staring at me (you know, how you can tell when someone is looking at you). I looked up at met the gaze of Russian man--he stared at me for like ten minutes straight until I got off to change subway lines. When I got on the purple line going to the university, I encountered the same situation again--fifteen minutes of awkward meetings of eyes and me looking down as the guy continued to stare. Visually, I don't think I stand out in comparison to the average Russian person, which made it all the more strange to be the focus of gaze for minutes upon end.
Both of those instances on the subway brought to the forefront the issue I had been wrestling with all week. As a person trying to be about and share love, can I/should I be happy with just blending in?
I think I mentioned before that I've been meeting with students individually and in small groups outside of class to practice English, talk about life, etc. One of my meetings earlier today with Bogdan, a student who is always either asking questions or laughing this great, big, Santa Claus, jolly kind of laugh, (the time) went really well in terms of English acquisition. He is starting to feel more comfortable speaking English, and then, he said this statement that floored me . . . "next time, I want to talk to you about . . . birth control." Did I hear that right? Did he really want to talk about the many ways to prevent pregnancy? Did he want details, information about different methods? I was cracking up as all these thoughts were going through my head. I regretfully asked him to explain himself to make sure I understood what he was talking about which was followed by a much too much graphic gestural and vocal pantomime of a woman giving birth. It turns out he just wanted to have a discussion about whether I agree or disagree with actually using any form of birth control (which is a point of talk for another time). Bogdan went to class right after that; I was just sitting in some seats in the university lobby, feeling really raw and exposed.
I realized at that point that this is what I had been avoiding all along as I tried to blend in. Why, though? I normally don't shy away from being "real." Why is it so different out here? It just kind of hit me at that point--how silly I had been for this past week. I feel called to help facilitate this strong push out here; I shouldn't be hiding/blending in. It took staring eyes and awkward questions to realize that.
Anyhow. . . those have been my thoughts these past few days. We're having our first group of students over tomorrow night and are hoping to make it a weekly thing; we're not sure the format--I feel like we need to just be open to want the students are craving and wanting. Your encouragement through prayer would be much loved for tomorrow night.
We love y'all-
Makinzie
No comments:
Post a Comment